Life Imitates Art

· 5 min read
If you follow my twitter feed, and I'm sure you do, you'd probably know that last night I went to the gym. I used to go to a gym last year, then I stopped, now I'm making a pretty large effort to go back to it in some kind of regular fashion. I had a free day pass, which was not enough for them to leave me alone and they quickly assigned a 'upseller' to give me a 7 day pass and try and sell me into a membership and onto a personal trainer type thing. I had an hour to be in the gym before the bus came in, she took 40 minutes away from that hour and I was trying my darnest to get away from her. Then it hit me. I was talking to Linda Litzke from Burn After Reading! She sure looked like Frances McDormand, and she was acting just like her. Really believing everything she was saying, committed and with this little hint that maybe, just maybe, she was in way over her head. She kept saying things that I'm sure she didn't really understand because while her employer offered them she had never personally had to use them, it was actually quite funny. I explained how getting to the gym was a big first step, because I live nowhere near that gym. I explained how I didn't have a car, so going to the gym four times a week (she called it 'frequency') was quite impossible for me. I also explained how buses only come every hour after 9p.m.. She seemed unmoved. She then asked me about my weight and height. I told her I weighed 260lb (which is true) and my height, which on my driver's license is listed as 5' 07". Then she said I should lose 20lb and that it would take 5 months, additionally I should look to be adding 20lb of muscle for a net loss of... She paused, stared into the screen... or what seemed like the horizon for a few seconds. I interrupted her after I kind of figured she had hit a brick wall with her pitch and said "Zero, that's a net loss of zero." She looked at me and about 3 seconds later changed the subject and started telling me about how they can track my biometrics with some kind of wristwatch. I finally did get to rush and do some quick exersices but it just goes to show you how life sometimes imitates art.