Unwatchables : The Final Destination

I remember when I went to see the original Final Destination I found it sort of entertaining. The plot of these movies is that a character can see a few seconds into the future and can therefore set himself up to cheat death. It also claims that no matter where death will find you. I don't remember any of the actual deaths in the movie except for the last, um, falling billboard? scene. Which brings me back to this weeks unwatchable movie. The Final Destination. Keeping with the tradition of naming your movie whatever the original movie was except by adding or removing 'The' or some other silly thing (Notorious for this is the The Fast & The Furious series). The Final Destination is the fourth installment of the series. The main argument I have against this film is in the trailer. The trailer takes us to a NASCAR race in a place where the main character can see the screws unscrewing from the fence and the cement cracking in the pillars that keep the place together. Theres a huge crash and because of his vision he saves all of his friends... except he didn't because you can't cheat death. Get it? One of his friends dies immediately after they lave the stands because a wheel flew off a car in the wreck and lands on her. Another death seems to be a car falling on top of the person. The other is a lawnmower shooting a rock and other random explosions that are the staple of these films. Then we get into the ridiculous deaths. A short in a car wash causes the machines to go crazy, while this happens the car's sunroof opens and then a pipe bursts. The car, which is apparently water-sealed, fills with water. The woman in the car cant lower the windows, or break them and ends up gasping for air through the sunroof only to be killed by the giant drying roller. Then there's also a malfunctioning escalator that apparently breaks into pieces and eats one of the characters... Look, obviously they just wanted to come up with the most bizarre and funny deaths they could have come up with and that's exactly what they did. These deaths are also augmented by the movie being in 3D. I am sure that the 3D part of the movie is going to be exaggerated in each and every one of these scenes and that appeals to the same public that watched Final Destination 3D (the last installment) but then again, those people already know who they are. It just feels like there's nothing new this movie has to add to the whole 'you cant cheat death' thing. I'd personally prefer going to see Inglorious Basterds again. Prediction : This movie will do o.k. in theaters because of its 3D-ness and because theres no other real thriller out there. I don't know about it having much legs on video though, since the movie is obviously tailored towards the 3D experience. I'm sure they'll have enough money to make a 5th one... which doesnt mean they should. Actual Review: (At the time of writing, Ebert has not written a review, and this is the only review in Rotten Tomatoes) Whatever hints of originality lay in the series' previous editions have been all but sucked out of this one. - Jordan Mintzer (Variety) ---- Unwatchables - is a series of posts wherein I rant about movies I have not seen